Tuesday, February 7, 2017

"The Revolution will be food-blogged!"

Recently, a mildly popular whisky blogger (let's call him "Chairman MAO") opined that the dangers of a Trump presidency are so profound that he's courageously decided to pen more restaurant reviews of foreign cuisine, rather than merely muse about the tawdry trivialities of whisky. 

By highlighting the fact that Mongolian barbecue exists, he will chip away at decadent despotism--as opposed to his usual shtick: giving 88 point scores to obscure casks of St. Magdalene bottled in 2004 that his readers can neither find nor afford at auction.

Now, cynics might call the announcement a vapid, virtue-signaling stunt spawned by equal parts hysteria and self-aggrandizement. Or perhaps a sincere, if oblivious, tantrum. But remember: if there's one thing that would-be tyrants fear, it's leftist foodies meticulously documenting the unleavened breads of Uzbekistan, or posting convoluted recipes for Yemeni fenugreek soup.

Unfortunately, I lack his moral leadership and bold vision. So, alas, I will continue to review spirits, as I am a bourgeois hedonist, too deeply immersed in the commodity fetishism of the capitalist superstructure. And as a Trump supporter, I cannot appreciate the Marxist post-modernism that finds the misogynistic patriarchy in a bottle of Ladyburn; unearths the latent racism in Black Bowmore; or envisions a neo-confederate conspiracy in Rebel Yell.

What's his next step? Perhaps auctioning off some of his rare bottles to fund the workers' revolution, led by rioting "Antifa" guttersnipes? Or creating articles or videos that rally his fellow Social Justice Warriors? No, that kind of shallow materialism would be too obvious. As a great philosopher once said, "the revolution will be food-blogged."




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